If you haven’t read my thoughts on Season 1, find that right hurrrr.
We’re getting there. 2 Down, 5 to go. Season 2 was a little more of a buildup than season 1. I never had the shock factor that Ned gave me in season 1, but I’m getting more and more sucked in every episode.
So here we go. Again, each episode will have wikipedia’s recap followed by my expert reactions. Let’s do this shiz:
Episode 11 – The North Remembers
To Cersei‘s dismay, Tyrion takes up his post as acting Hand at King’s Landing. At Dragonstone, Stannis proclaims allegiance to Melisandre‘s new god and lays public claim to the Iron Throne, revealing Joffrey‘s bastardy. The latter orders the soldiers to slaughter Robert‘s bastards, one of whom named Gendry manages to escape King’s Landing along with Arya. Having won three victories, Robb offers the Lannisters peace in exchange for the North’s independence and Sansa‘s return, sending Theon to gain the support of Balon, his father, and Catelyn to seek alliance with Renly, who also claims the throne. Beyond the Wall, the Night’s Watch finds shelter with Craster and his daughters/wives. In Essos, as her people slowly die in the Red Waste, Daenerys sends out riders for reconnaissance.
Thoughts: I think Tyrion actually makes the perfect hand. The hand of the King needs to be able to think a few moves ahead and keep the King on the right track and Tyrion might be the smartest person on this show. So just because the guy’s brother dies, means he goes to a new god? I don’t get that one. Also, what are the odds that the one person that Arya escapes with is Robert’s bastard? Wow. Can you say COINCIDENCE?!?! Gee wiz. I’m still not sure what I feel about Theon. He kept getting the comments that he wasn’t a true Stark or something like that, so I’m not sure how his actual father will treat him either. Finally, Daenerys’s lips are disgusting. Easily the most unattractive thing about her.
Episode 12 – The Night Lands
Returning to his home of Pyke after nine years as the Starks’ ward, Theon is reunited with his sister, Yara, and Balon, who despises Theon for his Northern ways and intends to win back his crown by force. Cersei rejects Robb’s terms and Tyrion exiles Slynt, head of the Gold Cloaks, to the Wall, promoting Bronn to commander of the watch. On the road to the Wall, Arya reveals her true identity to Gendry. North of the Wall, Tarly is approached by one of Craster’s daughters, Gilly, who is pregnant and fears for her unborn son; Snow is reluctant to help her despite Tarly’s pleas. In the Red Waste, one of the horses returns to Daenerys with the severed head of its rider in a pouch, a message from one of her enemies. In Dragonstone, Davos, Stannis’s henchman, recruits the pirate Salladhor Saan to Stannis’ side, and the latter has sex with Melisandre to obtain the son his wife cannot give him. Snow discovers that Craster sacrifices his sons to the White Walkers; in response, Craster knocks Snow unconscious.
Thoughts: First off, when Theon was flirting with his sister, even before we knew it was his sister, I was so uncomfortable. She is disgusting. Looks like a man version of Amy Schumer. Yikes. Second, his dad is a complete douche. This guy thinks he can attain King’s Landing? I literally haven’t heard a thing about him all series. No rumor of how dangerous the Iron Islands are. This guy is delirious. I’m glad Bronn got promoted. I like that guy. He isn’t the best guy, actually one of the worst, but he is honest and doesn’t want to play the game that is the Capital. I’m glad a girl finally talked to Sam, he needed it. The whole phrase daughter/wive is disturbing. I honestly felt gross typing it with my own hands, so this Craster guy can fuck right off at any time. I’m not surprised about the sacrificing of the boys thing. Seemed a little sketchy right away.
Episode 13 – What is Dead May Never Die
Catelyn arrives at Renly’s camp to negotiate an alliance, watching the female warrior Brienne of Tarth winning the right to join Renly’s guard. Renly has recently married Margaery, Loras’s sister, but refuses to have sex with her due to having feelings for Loras. In the Iron Islands, Balon makes a plan to attack the North, led by Yara. After burning a letter warning Robb of Balon’s impending attack, Theon re-joins the Greyjoys in a water-based ceremony. In King’s Landing, Tyrion crafts a plan to find who is in Cersei’s confidence; finding it to be Pycelle, whom the former imprisons. Tyrion assigns his prostitute, Shae, as handmaiden to Sansa. Beyond the Wall, Craster demands the Night’s Watchmen leave. Snow finds out that Jeor already knew about Craster’s felonies. On the road to the wall, the band of Night’s Watch recruits are attacked by Lannister soldiers. Yoren is killed and Arya is taken prisoner. The latter states that Gendry was a boy already killed.
Thoughts: Brienne is a total badass. She is also as big as a tree. And has a deeper voice than me. But congrats to her for winning that tournament. She has a chip on her shoulder, which I feel like is needed in that time. You have to prove yourself and kick some ass. Next, Margaery is a total fox. Renly definitely is only playing for one team if his feelings for Loras are stopping him from Margaery. Theon going back to the Greyjoy’s seems so dumb. That’s like leaving the Warriors to join the Blazers because you were born in Oregon. (What a great reference, Colton.) Back to King’s Landing, BOOM. Tyrion is showing how smart he is. The guy sniffed out a rat and found it without lifting a tiny little finger. Badass. Finally, Arya is showing that she might be the smartest person in this show other than Tyrion. She is a monster. And I’m pretty sure she’s only like 11 years old. Still the leading candidate for my favorite character so far, but I don’t want to get too attached to anyone because I know once I do, they will get beheaded in front of the people of King’s Landing (RIP Ned).
Episode 14 – Garden of Bones
Catelyn tries to convince the Baratheon brothers to abandon their quarrel and unite against the Lannisters; but Stannis demands Renly submit to his command. Baelish visits her and offers a trade of Jaime for her daughters. Melisandre gives birth to a shadow creature. Sansa is abused by Joffrey in revenge for Robb’s victories. Tyrion intervenes and in return, Joffrey is cruel to the prostitutes Tyrion sends him as “gifts”. Tyrion releases Pycelle, but fires him from the Small Council. Tyrion also finds out about the incestuous relationship between Cersei and their cousin, Lancel, forcing the latter to spy on her by threatening to reveal it to Joffrey. Arya and Gendry are taken as captives to the castle of Harrenhal, where prisoners are tortured until death. Tywin arrives and stops the torture, picking her as his servant without knowing about her true identity. After her exhausting journey through the desert, Daenerys arrives at the gates of the prosperous city of Qarth, where Daxos, a member of the Council of Thirteen, convinces the others to let her caravan enter the city.
Thoughts: Didn’t really think of much of the brothers exchange, so let’s move on. Baelish is literal scum of this earth. He HAS to smell bad. His personality and his body odor have to match up. The red woman then comes in hot with a shadow monster? What the actual fuck. It looks like she just declared her allegiance to “He Who Must Not Be Named”. I need answers and I need them now. But moving on to the highlight of this episode… Bitch-Ass Joffrey. This guy is insane. He first beats Sansa because her brother is kicking his ass and then the scene with the prostitutes… Jesus Christ. Joffrey is literally a crazy person. I can’t remember the last time I felt this way about any character ever. But what’s crazy is that I don’t want him to die right away. I want Arya to grow up and Joffrey to grow up and Arya kill the shit out of Joffrey in the most public way possible. Just embarrass him. Drag the Lannister name through the mud. Fuck Joffrey.
Episode 15 – The Ghost of Harrenhal
H’ghar, one of the three caged prisoners Arya saved, pledges to kill three people of her choosing in order to repay his debt to her. She accepts and first chooses the Tickler, the man who mortally tortured the captives. After Renly’s death at the hands of Melisandre’s shadowy assassin, Catelyn and Brienne, who are accused of the murder, are forced to flee from the camp. Excluding the Tyrells, Renly’s forces submit to Stannis. Brienne swears loyalty to Catelyn. Theon sails from Pyke prepared to prove that he is a true Ironborn, with plans to capture Winterfell while Robb is absent. Tyrion learns from Lancel about the Wildfire, a burning substance mass produced to destroy Stannis’ fleet and army during the upcoming siege. Tyrion takes control of the scheme. The Night’s Watch arrives at an ancient fortress called the Fist of the First Men, where Jeor allows Snow to join the team led by a veteran named Halfhand in order to kill the enemy leader. In Qarth, Daxos proposes marriage to Daenerys in exchange for providing her with the wealth to conquer the Seven Kingdoms. Jorah convinces her to gain the support of the Westerosi people instead.
Thoughts: This H’ghar guy is awesome. Super weird that he is taking death orders from a random little girl, but he is a complete ninka out there. He kills the Tickler and watches him fall to the public without giving a shit. Cool ass dude. I hope Arya catches these breaks throughout the whole series. Brienne might only be second to the Mountain it comes to the brute strength power rankings in this show. She is an absolute shit brickhouse. Catelyn is in some pretty decent hands. Theon is starting to get on my nerves. He just seems like a little kid trying to conquer Winterfell when Bran is in charge. Bitch move. Finally, shoutout to Daxos for shooting his shot with Daenerys and asking her to marry him. He even said something like, “I’ve already married for love so this is just a business move.” Whatever dude. You want what literally every other straight man in Qarth wants and that is a handful of Khaleesi. Theres no way she falls for it. She’s a badass bitch and will see right through your bullshit.
Episode 16 – The Old Gods and the New
Myrcella, Cersei’s daughter, is sent away from King’s Landing. Theon manages to take Winterfell and executes Cassel, a henchman, for insulting him. Osha, the captured wildling, helps Brandon and Rickon escape. Robb reunites with the healer Maegyr. At the Fist of the First Men, Snow captures a Wildling named Ygritte, but gets separated from his patrol when she tries to escape and he is forced to chase her. Joffrey incites a riot at King’s Landing, in which he is nearly killed and Sansa is nearly raped. Tywin allows Baelish to seek the allegiance of the Tyrells. An officer suspects Arya; and she has H’ghar kill him. Robb receives news of Theon’s plans and sends men to retake Winterfell. At Qarth, Daenerys tries to procure a ship to take her people to Westeros, all the while keeping Daxos at bay. Daenerys’ dragons are stolen.
Thoughts: Okay so Cersei’s daughter is gone. Boo hoo. Theon somehow defeated an 8-year-old leader. Cool. Two things jumped out to me here. 1. Obviously, Joffrey almost dying in a riot. That would’ve been lame as balls if that’s how he goes. 2. Ygritte is way hotter than I expected any of the wildlings to be. She’s got very nice teeth and is totally into Jon. Dragons are also stolen, but I’m sure Daenerys will just kick the shit out of anyone who stole them.
Episode 17 – A Man Without Honor
Theon begins tracking Brandon and Rickon. Tywin begins searching Harrenhal for the murderer. Ygritte continues her attempts to seduce Snow and, after a momentary lapse in Jon’s concentration, she escapes and leads him into a trap. Still shaken from the riot, Sansa is horrified when she awakens to find that she has had her first menstruation and can thus bear Joffrey’s children. Cersei warns her to love no one but her children, not even Joffrey. In Robb’s camp, a failed escape attempt by Jaime leaves a guard dead, with some soldiers seeking retribution. In Qarth, the warlock Pree reveals to Daenerys that he stole her dragons, but gives her the opportunity to reunite with them before slaughtering the Council of Thirteen and establishing Daxos as the king. Theon presents to Luwin and his subjects the charred corpses of two boys, claiming that he has tracked down and killed Brandon and Rickon.
Thoughts: Theon is a loser. He is getting outsmarted by two boys, a wildling and an Hodor. Ygritte on the other hand is way smarter than Jon, but definitely still wants to bang him. Not surprised Jon got captured. He’s too innocent, like a child. I feel like Arya can outsmart him at this point. It was cool to see a real side of Cersei. It kind of sounds like she was once Sansa and had to adapt to being this badass bitch in order to really survive and not be miserable at King’s Landing. Jamie is a sinister little boy on the other hand. I think his experience in war has desensitized him to literally everything. If he escapes, he would definitely be the kind of character that would come back and kill a fan favorite just because of how evil he is. Finally, this warlock guy named Pree is disgusting. His gross color and blue lips are terrifying and I can’t say I like a single thing about him.
Episode 18 – The Prince of Winterfell
Robb learns that Catelyn has secretly freed Jaime, now escorted by Brienne, in order to ransom Sansa and Arya; he locks her in her tent and sends men to find them, also entering into a romantic relationship with Talisa. Yara arrives at Winterfell to bring Theon back to Pyke, blaming him for his actions. Tywin leaves Harrenhal to attack Robb, which leads Arya, Gendry and their friend Hot Pie to attempt an escape with the help of H’ghar, who agrees in order for Arya to refrain from naming H’ghar himself as the third man to kill. In King’s Landing, Cersei attempts to blackmail Tyrion by abducting the prostitute, Ros, whom the former believes to be his secret lover. On the way to King’s Landing, Stannis promises Seaworth to make him his Hand of the King. Beyond the Wall, the Wildling leader “Rattleshirt” leads the captured Snow and Halfhand to his king, Rayder. At the Fist of the First Men, the brothers of the Night’s Watch find a hidden cache of dragonglass. In Qarth, Jorah agrees to accompany Daenerys into the House of the Undying to retrieve her dragons. Brandon and Rickon are revealed to be alive and hiding in Winterfell.
Thoughts: If this whole thing falls through just because Littlefinger lied to Cat, I’m going to be so pissed. I hate that guy. Good for Robb by the way, Talisa is a smokeshow. Yum. It’s cool that this H’ghar guy can literally let those three walk out of Harrenhal. Arya shows yet again that she is up there with Tyrion as one of the smartest ones out there. I’ve heard a lot about this Dragonglass from my friends who have actually watched the show before, so I’m sure it’ll come back big. And I knew Bran and Rickon weren’t dead. Theon just sucks and is getting bamboozled by these elementary school kids.
Episode 19 – Blackwater
Baratheon’s fleet assaults King’s Landing. Leading the defense, Tyrion destroys many of the attacking ships with an exploding ship full of wildfire, forcing the former to attack on land. Sandor leads the defense outside the gate, but is defeated and returns inside, denouncing Joffrey and leaving. Joffrey also escapes. Tyrion convinces the Gold Cloaks to fight with him. Baratheon’s forces make it inside the castle, but Tyrion leads his men behind the Baratheon forces via underground tunnels and attacks. Cersei goes to the throne room with Tommen, intending to kill him. Shae convinces Sansa to go to her chamber, where Sandor offers to take her back to Winterfell; but she decides to stay. As Tyrion is wounded and Cersei is about to poison Tommen, Tywin’s forces, joined by Loras, arrive and defeat Baratheon’s forces, with the latter forced to retreat.
Thoughts: This battle scene was cool. I’m normally not a big fan of action like this, but I liked how they built up the planning and then actually show it in action. Tyrion is a smart little cookie and that wildfire was nuts. I also loved seeing people hate on Joffrey for being a pussy and supporting Tyrion for being brave. Gross ass cut for Tyrion though. Not only is he an Imp, hated and considered a drunk, but now will be scared and thought of as even more of a monster. Bad break, my man.
Episode 20 – Valar Morghulis
Joffrey sets Sansa aside in favor of marrying Margaery while Tyrion fears for his and Shae’s safety now that Tywin has replaced him as Hand and relieved Bronn from his command. Melisandre gives Stannis a new hope. Brienne and Jaime are spotted by three Stark soldiers, whom she kills. Catelyn fails to dissuade Robb from marrying Talisa. In Qarth, Daenerys ventures into the House of the Undying and successfully retrieves her dragons, who kill Pree. She then seals Daxos inside his own vault and claims his wealth for herself. In Winterfell, Theon tries to convince his men to fight Robb’s army, but is knocked unconscious by them, who decide to leave. A dying Luwin convinces Brandon’s party to go to the Wall. Arya, having escaped Harrenhal with Hot Pie and Gendry, receives the gift of a valuable coin from H’ghar, who magically changes his face. North of the Wall, Halfhand forces Snow to kill him to prove his loyalty to the wildlings while an army of White Walkers surrounds the Fist of the First Men.
Thoughts: Joffrey is one lucky ass dude. Both Sansa and Margaery are hot as balls so the choice between them is a good problem to have. But like everyone says, “If you have two potential queens, you really have none” So he made a decision and went with the heavy hitter Margaery. Not too shabby. Total babe. Smart as shit and I can get behind her littler smirk she always has on her face. Then, watching Daenerys making it out of the House of the Undead was the mortal lock of the century. It was like watching Tom Brady in the two-minute drill. No doubt in my mind. This H’ghar guy might be an angel. Or not real in any way. I have no clue what to think of him. And finally, as the season ends, we finally get a look at the HUGE hoard of White Walkers. I’ve been a huge fan of the Walking Dead for awhile now and I have the same thoughts for both shows. How the hell are you going to defeat a group of people that are already dead? White Walkers are the real threat here.
Well that’s it y’all. Season two in the books. I’m still hooked AF on the show and I will for sure catch up before long.
Season Three Thoughts will be out soon.
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