Holy shit. What a season. Three seasons into it and what a roller coaster it was. After the crazy ending to season 1, season 2 came off pretty slow and story building. Every series can’t come at you with the shock value and action that the ending of season 1 gave, so the story building in season 2 was needed to give me the feelings that I got in season 3.
If you’re new to these, you can catch my thoughts on Season 1 and Season 2. I give you the episode, title and a little recap from Wikipedia because I am such a good guy.
Well, we might as well get into it riiiiiiiight… NOW:
Episode 21 – Valar Dohaeris
Some of the Night’s Watchmen, including Tarly and Jeor, survive the White Walkers’ attack and pledge to return to the Wall to warn the Seven Kingdoms. Snow is brought before Rayder, the “King beyond the Wall”, and pledges his loyalty to the Wildlings. A scarred Tyrion tries to get Casterly Rock from Tywin, who promises other things instead. Margaery engages in charity work with the orphans of King’s Landing. Baelish offers to help Sansa escape King’s Landing. Ros advises Shae not to trust him. Davos is rescued by Saan, who does not want any more connections with Baratheon, and returns to Dragonstone, where he unsuccessfully tries to kill Melisandre, who blames him for convincing Baratheon not to let her join the battle, and is imprisoned. In Essos, Targaryen arrives in the city of Astapor to buy an army of brutally-trained slave soldiers, the “Unsullied”. She is saved from an assassination attempt by the warlocks of Qarth by Selmy, the former Kingsguard commander, who pledges his loyalty.
Thoughts
- Well somehow, Sam survived the White Walkers. That had to be luck or something. Maybe the White Walkers loved his character as much as I did and all agreed that he was off limits.
- Over to Jon and the Wildlings: everyone looks how I would imagine they would, except Ygritte. Her teeth are perfect even though she doesn’t have any dental care out there beyond the wall, so in order to get in Ygritte’s panties, Jon declares his loyalty. Tyrion should know better than to trust his dad (eye roll).
- Margery is a babe and likes to show how nice she is. Could be worse.
- Baelish is an absolute worm and I wouldn’t trust him trading halloween candy. The guy is scum and has a very punchable face. What a little bitch.
- The whole Baratheon storyline doesn’t really compel me too much, so I don’t really care about anything that happened in this episode.
- Now Daenarys on the other hand, is something I really care about. This girl is a bad bitch and she knows it. I love her and her looks aren’t too shabby either. Now that she has another guy by her side I can see her rattling off some good plans and gaining some steam. Her dragons are easily the biggest advantage anyone has and with her motivated attitude, she is about to get some shit done.
Episode 22 – Dark Wings, Dark Words
Brienne continues escorting Jaime across the Riverlands to King’s Landing. He engages her in a fight, which is interrupted by Bolton soldiers. After receiving the news of the sack of Winterfell and the disappearance of Bran and Rickon, Robb diverts his attentions from the war against the Lannisters to attend Catelyn‘s father’s funeral in Riverrun, angering Karstark, who seeks vengeance for his sons who were killed by the Lannisters. Arya, Gendry and Hot Pie also make for Riverrun, but are waylaid by a rebel group, the “Brotherhood without Banners”, and are taken to an inn, where the captured Sandor reveals the former’s identity. Margaery and her grandmother Olenna, the “Queen of Thorns”, convince Sansa to tell them about Joffrey’s flawed character. Theon is tortured by unknown captors. Bran, Rickon, Osha and Hodor encounter the siblings Jojen and Meera, children of the Stark bannerman Howland. Jojen, who has been sharing Bran’s strange dreams, tells him that he is a warg, able to enter the minds of animals.
Thoughts:
- Brienne was literally just dealt a shitty deck here. I feel like she has been dealt one of those hands her whole life. Jamie is trained by the greatest fighters in Westeros and is a perfect and witty smartass who knows how to push anyone’s buttons. It is only a matter of time before Jamie escapes and most likely kills Brienne. If that is the case, then Brienne literally just failed at every chance she got since her win in that tournament when we first met her. Brutal.
- It worries me that Robb isn’t focusing on the war. He was kicking so much ass and has to keep his momentum. If he stops and gets sentimental humanizes himself, then his ass will be grass. Just keep that momentum and go get this shit.
- These Brotherhood Without Banners guys don’t scare me. Arya is tougher in one little fingertip than the rest of these guys are in general.
- Now back to Margery, I LOVE her grandma Olenna. She is so sassy but she keeps it real. She reminds me of the character Margeret Brown in Titanic. Surrounded by a bunch of stuck-up assholes but still keeps it real and loves to a have a good time. I want to drink some wine with grandma Olenna for sure.
- No real thoughts on Theon. He was kind of a bitch anyway.
- Bran being a Warg kind of pisses me off becasue just think if the whole Stark crew were still together. Ned being a total beast with badass Robb behind him followed by the fiesty little ones Arya and magical Bran. What a squad. Goddamn it.
Episode 23 – Walk of Punishment
Robb and Catelyn attend the funeral in Riverrun. Tywin decides to send Baelish to Lysa intending to have them married in order to secure her alliance, making Tyrion the new Master of Coin. While Hot Pie decides to stay at the inn, Arya and Gendry follow the Brotherhood. Learning of the massacre at the Fist of the First Men, Rayder sends Snow with a band of Wildlings to scale the Wall and attack the Watch while it is weakened. The surviving men of the Night’s Watch arrive back at Craster’s Keep, where Tarly witnesses Gilly give birth to a son. Theon is freed from torture and captivity by an unknown man, who later rescues him again. Melisandre leaves Dragonstone for an unknown mission, stating that the blood of a King is required for victory. Targaryen agrees to buy all the 8,000 Unsullied and the translator Missandei for one of her dragons, against Selmy’s and Jorah‘s advice. Jaime persuades his captor Locke not to let Brienne be raped, but Locke cuts off the former’s sword hand.
Thoughts:
- I’ve already given my thoughts on Robb going to this funeral and getting away from focusing on this war.
- I’m glad bitch-ass Baelish is getting out of here. Go as far away as you can.
- Sam sure loves himself some Gilly. Sam would be a solid dad, but just not under these circumstances. More like, if he had a steady job as a middle school English teacher or something.
- Daenerys agrees to give up a dragon but there is a -45% chance she actually intends to give one up, that is a fact. She is smart and will definetely walk out with these Unsullied AND all three dragons.
- Finally, holy shit, that hand cutting scene was intense and actually made me feel good because Jamie is just that much less dangerous. He can still talk and fight with his off hand, but he no longer as an enormous advantage over others later down the road.
Episode 24 – And Now His Watch is Ended
Theon is betrayed by the rescuer, who returns him to the prison for torture. After a failed escape attempt, Jaime believes that he is lost without his sword hand; but Brienne, knowing what he did for her, urges him not to give up hope. Varys tells Tyrion how he became a eunuch, and that he now has in his power the magician who castrated him, advising Tyrion to be patient for vengeance. At Craster’s keep, the surviving Night’s Watchmen, starving, come into conflict with their host. Craster and Jeor are slain in the struggle and Tarly flees with Gilly and her son. Arya and Gendry are taken to the secret cave of the Brotherhood, meeting their leader, Dondarrion, who later sentences Sandor to trial by combat with him. Margaery proposes marriage between Sansa and Loras. Targaryen meets with Kraznys to complete the trade of a dragon for the Unsullied army. She tests the Unsullied, then orders them to kill their former masters, reclaims her dragon and frees the Unsullied, who all decide to follow her freely.
Thoughts: A few things happen here, but I am not too interested in any but one.
- First, Theon doesn’t really do anything for me.
- Brienne is nice and all but there is no doubt in my heart that she will survive her journey with Jamie.
- Varys always gives me the creeps.
- I just need Arya to survive.
- Sansa’s life is horrible.
- Now finally we come to the highlight of the episode, and maybe the person that is becoming the highlight of the series: Daenerys Stormborn, Mother of Dragons, Bad Bitch Extraordinaire. She is such a smart cookie and she just gained thousands of trained fighters for her army AND still has three dragons. She stays smoking hot literally throughout each step. I love her and even though I think she might sort of be considered a bad guy from everyone in Westeros, her story line makes me cheer her on every step. What a badass.
Episode 25 – Kissed By Fire
Tyrion convinces Olenna to pay for part of the royal wedding. Sansa tells Baelish about her decision to stay in King’s Landing. The Lannisters discover the Tyrells’ plot to marry off Sansa to Loras. To prevent the union, Tywin plans to marry Sansa to Tyrion, and Cersei to Loras, despite the siblings’ protests. Stannis confesses his infidelity to his wife, Selyse, who then tells him she already knows and approves of it. His daughter, Shireen, sneaks into the dungeon to visit Seaworth and starts teaching him to read. Sandor kills Dondarrion and is released. However, Dondarrion is resurrected seemingly by the power of the Lord of Light. Gendry decides to stay with the Brotherhood, and Thoros and Dondarrion plan to ransom Arya to Robb. After being delivered to Bolton, Jaime confesses to Brienne why he killed Aerys. Robb executes Karstark after the latter murders two captive Lannister boys. With the Karstarks abandoning him, Robb plans to make a desperate alliance with Frey. Jon Snow succumbs to Ygritte’s seduction and breaks his vows. The Unsullied select a warrior called Grey Worm as their leader on Daenerys’ order.
Thoughts: A decent episode. Not many thoughts.
- Yet again, Sansa’s life gets worse and worse. I feel for Tyrion, not being able to have any say in the matter at all.
- Stannis bores me.
- I’m not sure where the Gendry storyline is going. I think Arya had a little crush on him? But then again, if you told me that Arya didn’t like boys yet and only cared about getting revenge, I’d probably believe you.
- Highlight of the episode: Jon Snow getting some assssss son. Ygritte is foxy and good for both of them. Jon and Ygritte are both bona fide hotties and this shit is getting hot hot hot. More of those two please.
Episode 26 – The Climb
In King’s Landing, Tywin coerces Olenna into agreeing to marry Loras to Cersei, who reveals to Tyrion that it was Joffrey who tried to have him killed during the siege. Tyrion confesses to Shae and Sansa about the upcoming marriage. Baelish tells Varys that he has caught Ros as Varys’ informant and has given her to Joffrey, who kills her. In the Riverlands, Melisandre buys Gendry from the Brotherhood, foretelling that Arya will kill many people. Robb makes a new deal with Frey by agreeing to give him Harrenhal and marry his uncle Edmure to Frey’s daughter, Roslin. Bolton plans to send Jaime to King’s Landing, but refuses to send Brienne with him. At an unknown location, the mysterious man continues to torture Theon. In the North, tension arises between Osha and Meera. Beyond the Wall, Tarly continues his flight with Gilly and her son, while Snow and Ygritte manage to climb the Wall with two other Wildlings.
Thoughts: We had some good stuff here.
- My hate for Joffrey has returned. It never really went away, it was just dormant for a few episodes. He is such a little punk bitch and I’m glad he didn’t marry Sansa. No Stark will go through any sort of treatment like that on my watch. (This was written before I watched the whole season..)
- Gendry is gone and that Red Woman has to be up to something. I really don’t trust her in any way.
- Robb’s new deal should be big, but honestly I’m nervous because people have told me that some wedding is coming up in the middle seasons that changes everything and I’m nervous that this is the one.
- Big shoutout to Jon and Ygritte for that climb and a big fuck you to the wildling that is crazy jealous of Jon and tried to cut him and Ygritte lose. (Sidenote: That guy is what all wildlings should look like. Gross and disgusting. Ygritte is hot as balls.)
Episode 27 – The Bear and the Maiden Fair
In the North, Jojen tells Bran they must go beyond the Wall to find the raven, to Osha’s horror. Snow and Ygritte’s relationship deepens, making fellow Wildling Orell angry. Theon is emasculated by his torturer. Talisa reveals to Robb that she is pregnant. Arya runs away from the Brotherhood, only to be captured by Sandor. Melisandre reveals to Gendry that his father was Robert. Shae tells Tyrion that she will not continue their relationship once he marries Sansa. Tywin counsels Joffrey and discusses Daenerys, with the former dismissing the danger she might pose. Daenerys reaches the city of Yunkai and declares war on them. Bolton departs Harrenhall for Edmure’s wedding while Jaime says farewell to Brienne and departs for King’s Landing. On the road, he finds out that Locke refused Brienne’s father’s ransom. Jaime returns to Harrenhall to find Brienne in a pit fighting a bear. He leaps in and saves Brienne and departs once more, this time with her.
Thoughts: I’m sorry if I don’t have many crazy takes yet. Not many crazy things happening. I’m sure shit will hit the fan once I get comfortable, though.
- I knew that gross wildling was pissed that Jon came in and made him look like a turd. Ygritte knows what she wants and she wants a handful of Jon.
- This Sandor guy gets less gross the more I see him. Maybe it is because of every other disgusting action and beheadings and all that jazz. So he ain’t too shabby now.
- I feel for Shae. She is smart as shit and is very deceitful but I don’t see a way that her and Tyrion can end up together safely.
- Tywin usually says things and acts correctly but here he could not be more wrong. Daenerys is the biggest living threat in this show and I can’t wait for her to shove her dragons up Tywin’s ass.
- Yunkai has 0% chance of winning this war. That’s just a fact.
- Cool move by one-handed Jamie to jump in and save Brienne. She hasn’t had much go her way in life, so it was neat to see her get a victory for the first time in awhile.
Episode 28 – Second Sons
King’s Landing hosts Tyrion and Sansa’s wedding. Cersei shows displeasure upon Margaery and Loras. At the wedding feast Tyrion gets drunk and causes a scene, with Tywin demanding he make a baby soon. In their bedroom, Tyrion tells Sansa that they will not consummate their marriage until she wants to. Sandor reveals to Arya that they are heading for the Twins to ransom her to Robb. Stannis releases Seaworth, demanding he respect Melisandre, who arrives in Dragonstone with Gendry, whom she seduces and extracts blood from him with three leeches. In a magical ritual, Stannis casts them into the fire naming three usurpers: Robb, Balon and Joffrey. Daenerys finds out that Yunkai has employed a mercenary company called the “Second Sons”. One of the lieutenants named Naharis kills the other leaders and pledges his and the company’s loyalty to Daenerys. Tarly and Gilly are attacked by a White Walker, whom the former destroys by the dragonglass dagger.
Thoughts: Solid episode.
- Sansa is still fine as shit. But I still feel terrible for her. Her life is absolutely awful. The only good part is that she got lucky and married Tyrion and not punk-ass Joffrey.
- I friggen’ hope we can get at least one reunion scene with Arya and her family. Let’s get the Starks back together and fuck up the Seven Kingdoms.
- I guess the Red Woman could be setting spells on these three guys, but I just get so bored when it comes to this storyline. She bothers me and while I found her attractive, her personality has lost my interest. Hit the road lady.
- Daenerys might have the entire world other than the Seven Kingdoms when she is all finished. She is amazing and I might not just love her, I think I am in love with her.
- Fuck yeah Sam! Way to impress your lady by killing what is already dead. But seriously, what a break. We need to find out how to get more Dragonglass ASAP.
Episode 29 – Rains of Castamere
Tarly, Gilly and her son arrive at the Wall. During a thunderstorm, Bran enters Hodor’s mind to calm him down, an ability not possessed by any Wildling. Nearby, Snow refuses to kill a farmer, whom Ygritte kills before Snow is attacked by the other Wildlings. Bran uses his warg ability to save Snow, who kills Orell before escaping, leaving a furious Ygritte behind with chief Giantsbane. Osha, Rickon and his direwolf depart for the Last Hearth, while Bran and his remaining company plan to go beyond the Wall. Daenerys sends Mormont, Naharis and Grey Worm to infiltrate Yunkai and open the city gate for her army. Yunkai soon falls to her forces. Robb arrives at the Twins and apologizes to Walder, who feigns acceptance. Edmure marries Roslin and they leave to consummate their marriage before Walder’s men murder Catelyn, Talisa and most of the Stark bannermen, while Bolton, revealed to be loyal to the Lannisters, kills Robb. Arya also arrives at the Twins and witnesses a part of the massacre, but Sandor knocks her unconscious and carries her to safety.
Thoughts: Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I honestly thought I had the flu after watching this episode. I did not need this in my life right now with all that’s going on with Global Warming and the Trump/Jong Un rivalry and all that stuff. God damnit.
- Bran may be able to tear some shit up now that he knows he has the ability to enter people’s minds.
- Daenerys will rule the world, yadda yadda yadda.
- The REAL highlight here is obviously the massacre of the Starks… What the actual fuck? The Starks have been through enough and just when Robb makes some ground, he dies all because of the janitor from Hogwarts-looking-ass Walder. What a loser. This ugly piece of shit has to bang his ugly daughters in order to get any action. Fuck you, Walder. I don’t care that you broke your elbow. You bitch. Watching Lady Catelyn get her throat cut was like watching my favorite middle school teacher die right in front of me. She showed me strength and leadership. And I seriously thought Arya was going to die in that massacre too. I probably would’ve stopped watching the whole series all together.
Episode 30 – Mhysa
The mastermind of the massacre is revealed to be Tywin, who awards the House Frey the Seat of Riverrun and appoints Bolton as the Warden of the North. Theon’s captor is revealed to be Ramsay, Bolton’s bastard who let the former’s men leave Winterfell in exchange for surrendering him. Against Balon’s wishes, Yara decides to rescue Theon. Arya and Sandor kill some Frey soldiers mocking Robb’s death. Arriving in the capital with Brienne, Jaime is reunited with Cersei. In the North, Tarly’s party encounters Bran’s and gives them the Dragonglass weapons before arriving back at Castle Black, where he and Maester Aemon send ravens to alert the Seven Kingdoms to the White Walkers. Being hit several times, Jon still manages to escape from Ygritte and returns to Castle Black. In Dragonstone, Seaworth helps Gendry escape, while Stannis decides to head north and aid the Watch against the White Walker threat, forgiving the former and keeping him. In Essos, the freed slaves of Yunkai receive Daenerys as their “mother”.
Thoughts: If we are in the Trust Tree here, it tooks me almost a week to watch another episode after episode 29. I still don’t feel good about this.
- Fuck Tywin. I hate him but I have to respect him. He knows how to handle a war and knows the moves it takes to win one. (Hat tip, middle finger)
- Ramsey is a psychopath and actually makes me feel uncomfortable. After everything in this show, this is the guy who makes me feel uneasy. He is seriously insane and when somebody is that insane, you have no idea what they will do next.
- It looks like Arya is getting a little taste for blood. She has killed a couple of people now and will need to stay this tough to help the Stark name live on.
- I’m glad Sam gave Bran some dragonglass, the word needs to get around on how to defeat the White Walkers.
- After seeing the Starks die last episode, I might as well see Jon die this episode. Who really cares anymore right? I’m sure Arya will die next.
- I would call Daenerys mommy any time of the day. Any day of the week. I love you Daenerys.
What a goddamn season. What a goddamn show.
I think I am comfortable saying this now… This is a good show.
I’m pumped to see Season 4. Fuck Joffrey. Fuck the janitor from Hogwarts. LETS FUCKING RISE STARKS.
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