Ian Poulter Wins in Houston to Earn a Spot in the Masters (puke)


Jesus this guy sucks. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Ian Poulter, let me fill you in. He is a professional golfer from the UK. He is known for being AMAZING at Match Play, including being a thorn in the American’s side during the Ryder Cup. He is known for looking like the stereotypical country club asshole golfer and kicking the American’s ass in several Ryder Cups. So we hate him.

Well, Poulter did not qualify for the Masters coming into this week. He needed a win, and only a win, to join the field in Augusta next week. Poulter was down one shot to a young Beau Hossler walking up to the 18th tee. Hossler hit an amazing shot out of a fairway bunker and Ian hit his to about 20 feet, so I was getting giddy. Seeing Poulter not make Augusta would’ve made my entire Easter. But alas…

Ugh. That one hurt. And then he showed all of his experience by playing it safe and smart in the playoff to par the first hole while Beau Hossler was smacking his ball literally all over the course. Bunker to bunker to water to bad chip to two putt. Boom. Triple bogey and bitch ass Ian Poulter will now make the trip down to Augusta National next week (barf.).

Just look at this tool in slo-mo.

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