Sister Jean Rides Her Fame Wave and Throws Gas At the Cubs’ Home Opener

Sports

Woah. Sister Jean is out here throwing GAS. It may not look like it the naked eye, but this was impressive. When you really break it down, in comparison to other nuns of her age, the fact that Sister Jean can advance a ball is proof that God exists.

Going into her age 98 season, what else could you expect from Sister Jean? When you calculate the 3 and a half feet that she threw it multiplied by the Over-90-Years-Old formula, Sister Jean just threw a 100 MPH fastball. She is the Aroldis Chapman of old ladies.┬áThe Cubs’ bullpen has gotten off to a hot start this season. But during the dog days of summer after a string of injuries, the front office better keep a tickler file on Sister Jean to come out and eat some innings. Sign her to a 10-year contract and its basically the plot to the Angels in the Outfield Reboot next summer.

Just imagine Sister Jean actually wheeling out to the mound from the bullpen. I know the internet has already said this, but if she didn’t have Jesus Walks as her entrance song then that would be the single greatest tragedy that has happened in the history of religion. Now let’s hope Jean can bring her holy mojo over to the North Siders and make another World Series run.

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