Thoughts While Watching Soccer (Futbol) From Somebody Who Only Watches Every Four Years

Hello everybody, it sure has been awhile. I have taken a little two week hiatus from life and traveled across the world and ended up in the great country of Australia. I will blog a recap eventually but goddamn was it fun. But you best believe I am back and better than ever.

The time difference still has my body all sorts of messed up and honestly it might be for the better because so far, it seems to have made me a morning person. Before the trip, you would be lucky to find me alive before 10 AM if I’m not on the golf course. But now I’m waking up at 6 and 7 AM like its nothing and it is really making me feel like an adult.

Today I woke up around 7:30 and turned on the tube and as I turn it on and see it is still on FOX from the US Open coverage yesterday, I see that I am awake for the pre game coverage of the Argentina-Iceland World Cup Match (notice how I say match and not game, I am so cultured). So since I just had an entire two week span of trying new things, I decided to keep progressing as a new cultured badass and watch some World Cup.

I typically only watch the WC if the good ole US of A are in it and disappointing the nation more than any team has in my lifetime. I started this blog at the 30 minute mark in the first half so I have missed some goals and shit so we can just move on. I’m sorry, I’m not perfect okay?


Corner kicks are by far the coolest way to score. If you give me some sweet corner kick-to-header goal highlights then I will be on board with watching more highlights. They are by far the prettiest and most organized-looking goals. Other goals just seems like a ton of traffic and then a little luck to get open enough for the shot.


Messi had a handball. I’m not sure but do you have to feel like the biggest idiot on the field if you commit a handball? Its literally the number one rule that the entire world knows about the sport.


Extra time seems ridiculous to me. Is there somebody who actually keeps track of the time or is it just a guess that everybody accepts? It may sound like a dumb question but I want answers, damnit. I need to keep my traveled, cultured and knowledgable stigma about me.


Kate Abdo hosts the halftime show and I think I have found one of the most beautiful women in the history of mankind. Good lord. Her British accent and that deadly smile would cause me to sweat on the spot if I ever saw her in person. I mean, look at this goddess.



Some guy for Iceland was just sitting on the ground like he just woke up from a nap. At first I thought he was a huge pussy because he was calling for a trainer but then they showed a different camera angle and his ankle was swollen to the size of a small couch. I was hideous. So this guy went on a real roller coaster in terms of my opinion of him. Now he is an Icelandic warrior who might be having his foot cut off in the locker room as I type this.


Messi has a penalty kick.. BOOOO! How can you try to call yourself one of the best players in the world and blow this penalty kick? You NEED to close there. Isn’t the big thing about Messi that he can’t lead Argentina to any World Cup success? Homeboy looks like a child when just a day ago Rinaldo closed on three goals. I’ve always heard that Rinaldo just scores goals but Messi does everything on the field and therefore Messi is a better overall player but if you keep blowing these chances and Rinaldo keeps pulling hats out of his ass then you have to surrender all argument.



Messi misses a free kick. This guy is a choke artist.


The sign language from the referees is very crisp and intense and I have no choice but to respect them. In American sports, fans always say that the best refereed games are the ones where you don’t ever talk about the refs, so the fact that I’m talking about them here is a little different.


Guess what kids. Messi just missed another great chance to score. Shocker. If any of these chances were for his club team then they all go in and he probably has 45 goals this game. In my incorrect and unprofessional opinion, this guy does not have the national clutch jean.


Argentina has been the better team by far this game. Iceland has lived in their own defensive zone for about 40 full minutes. This would be a steal if Iceland can tie this game.


OH SHIT! The Iceland goalie just made a game-saving save. That was awesome. I’m so pumped right now. Iceland or die!!!


And just one more for good measure… Messi fucked up a free kick as the game ends. Damn this guy is a mouse who is scared of the big stage of the World Cup. Argentina will never win with Messi. He’s a clown.

Well that was actually awesome to watch. The underdog stayed strong and that badass Icelandic clap gets my blood pumping so I am officially on the Icelandic Bandwagon. The announcers just said that the country of Argentina has the same amount of registered soccer players as the entire population of the country of Iceland.

Go soccer.

Go Kate Abdo.


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