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Sergeant Buzzkill Reporting For Duty

So I’m extremely confident that I just stumbled upon one of the worst videos to ever be posted on social media… Watching it easily ranks in the top 5 most terrible experiences to happen in my life, amongst getting lost at Six Flags and having the cops called on me after I went through my neighbor’s garage to get my basketball that flew into their backyard.

I know it’s a bold accusation but I wholeheartedly believe it’s warranted. After finally getting through the whole video (because it took me a couple of tries to get myself to finish (that’s what she said)) I sat on my bed in disbelief, absolutely shook at what I had just witnessed.

“How could the internet betray me like this?” I muttered.

I was just casually scrolling through the Gram and I came across one of those blurred videos that said: “Sensitive Content”… I was thinking it could’ve been someone snapping their leg snowboarding, maybe a shark biting someone’s finger off, a penis… Idk, I would’ve taken any of those options if I knew what I was instead clicking on.

I wouldn’t have posted it if I didn’t want you to see for yourself but just know that it changes you as a person. (I recommend sound off)

 

Viewer Discretion Is Definitely Advised

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I’m always a praying and forgiving person and in this instance all I can do is pray for these people and have faith that one day we can all coexist but damn man This one hurt man 😢😖🥺 I can’t believe what i just watched ! I’m so sick of seeing these videos and people just getting a slap on the wrist ,bullshit fines ,and minimal sentencing! The laws need to change on the way animals are treated not just in America but around the world 🌎 I was on the fence of posting this video but I wouldn’t be who I am if I didn’t spread the message weather it’s good or bad ! I VOWED TO BE THE VOICE FOR THE VOICELESS….shut up for one second and listen to our friends “mans best friend” in this video! And let me know what you think below …. Sorry for the graphic nature 🤬 please share to help end the way animals are treated ! @karmagawa #dogs #dog #news #nbc #cnn #trump #kimkardashian #arianagrande #pitbull #animal

A post shared by Animal Guy From Instagram (@therealtarzann) on

If you aren’t extremely mad/sad/terrified/scarred/sobbing/etc, after seeing a portion of this video you might be clinically heartless. I hope I wasn’t underselling it prior but if you think I was, I’m not sorry that I have feelings and love dogs. Sue me.

I partially blame myself for not checking to see who posted the video before but this guy usually posts the most entertaining animal videos, like he’ll be swimming with tigers and chillin’ with monkeys and shit! Sure in the past he may have posted a similar “Sensitive Content” video of people poaching rhinos, but THEY WEREN’T THROWING DOGS IN A BOILING POT OF WATER OR LIGHTING THEM ON FIRE.

What purpose did that serve to post that, what mission was accomplished?! “I VOWED TO BE THE VOICE FOR THE VOICELESS!” What are we going to do, go to Asia and start a revolution? Sure, let’s caravan together and go stop a country of people from eating what they have been for the last probably ever. Maybe someone will start a GoFundMe page, or send over a boatload of chickens with a guy in a dog costume holding a Chick-fil-A “Eat Mor Chikin” sign. Idk, it’s just a thought – we’ll see what happens.

It’s like those people who would stand off Perryville near the mall with all those pictures of unborn babies in protest against abortions, exposing the ugly truths of fucked up situations isn’t going to do anything but kill whatever buzz someone has going for them.

I do apologize for probably ruining your night but I needed to release all of these emotions, and I exceeded my max characters for a tweet.

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Montero DFA’d By Cubs

Miguel Montero was designated for assignment today by the Chicago Cubs. This move coming after Montero’s criticism of Jake Arrieta last night, should not come as a shock to anyone. 

After a 6-1 loss last night, Montero blamed Arrieta’s lack of concern for base runners for the 7 stolen bases last night. How can you blame the pitcher for stolen bases when Wilson Contreres has thrown out 9 of the 17 runners that have attempted to steal second while catching Jon Lester? Lester is famous for being unable to throw over to first. Contreres has also thrown out 3 of 14 while catching Arrieta this season. That one is not too good, I understand. But of the 30 total base runners that have attempted to swipe second on Montero, no matter who he’s catching, how many do you think he’s caught….? ZERO. This is more of a Montero problem than an Arrieta problem. 


This isn’t Montero’s first time expressing his frustrations to the media. Back in November, he complained to a radio station about how the team used him in the playoffs. He said that the playoff run wasn’t the same for him. He couldn’t enjoy it as much because the team disrespected him by underusing him. That is another thing that you fix internally, not talk about it with the media. 

I didn’t like how Montero handled it back in November, and I didn’t like how he handled it last night. Miggy, you aren’t producing enough to voice your opinion like this. You’re a catcher, you have to be able to throw people out. Me and you have thrown out the exact same amount of base runners this year. Shut the hell up and focus on your team. I’m glad Theo kicked you to the curb. Cut this incident out of the already struggling clubhouse. Negativity is the easiest way to divide a team, especially an underachieving one. Peace out Montero. 

Proof of Golf Gods on Display at Travlers Championship

Okay. I get it that some religions are monotheistic and preach that believing in other gods is a sin, but if you don’t believe in the golf gods, then you are just simply incorrect. The golf gods are responsible for millions of tears shed and countless days ruined. If you are a golfer then you know that you must respect the golf gods. You must replace your divot on the fairway, rake the bunkers and for the love of all humanity do NOT walk in anyone’s line. Break any of these unwritten rules of the game and the golf gods will make sure you suffer. Still don’t believe me about these gods? Well look no further than today’s finish at the Travlers Open.

Jordan Spieth defeated Daniel Burger on the first hole of the playoff by chipping in for a birdie from the green side bunker.


It was an incredible finish and really cool to watch live, but Spieth did everything he could to blow this tournament, but the golf gods said no. For some reason they were on his side today. He had tee shots go awry on 13 and 15 that could’ve easily bounced into the water. But instead they got held up in the rough by some miracle defying the laws of science. The shot at 13 was coming in incredibly hot and somehow caught the rough and settled after only one bounce. Then on 17, his approach shot came up shorter than Jordan anticipated and was inches away from finding yet another water hazard.

Eventually he made it through all of these close calls and forced a playoff with Burger only to absolutely yank his tee shot into a tree. His ball could have been thrown out of bounds, fell behind the tree or stay in the thick rough. Instead, that tree threw his ball right out into the fairway. He then put his shot in the green side bunker, and as I spoiled earlier, dunked that bad boy in for his 10th career victory.

<blockquote class=”twitter-video” data-lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Jordan Spieth is not human <a href=”https://twitter.com/hashtag/TravelersChampionship?src=hash”>#TravelersChampionship</a&gt; <a href=”https://twitter.com/hashtag/FTW?src=hash”>#FTW</a&gt; <a href=”https://t.co/DNxZBINrPz”>pic.twitter.com/DNxZBINrPz</a></p>&mdash; Fore Play (@ForePlayPod) <a href=”https://twitter.com/ForePlayPod/status/879103104502857728″>June 25, 2017</a></blockquote>
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If you don’t believe in the golf gods, then they will more than likely make you pay. They are harsh and do not care when or how they make their mark. They have ruined relationships and careers, but today, they were on Jordan’s side for some reason. And in their name, we pray. Amen.

Guide to Enjoying the 2017 White Sox

It has been a real up and down, mostly down, season for the Chicago White Sox. Sitting at 32-39 and 7 games out of first in the AL Central most would say the Sox fans are leaving the park unhappy more often than not, but I leave happy almost every night. Here are some ways I watch the White Sox that if you can manage to follow I guarantee will make this summer a more enjoyable one.


Wins are fun but Losses are cool too.

This is first and foremost what you need to except as a White Sox fan this year. Enjoy the Wins and don’t sweat the losses is the best mindset you can have. DO NOT take a grain of salt with each win thinking about our draft slot, this is not the NBA or the NFL, the top 10 picks are all close in risk and talent most years. Excluding the Bryce Harper and Stephan Strasburghs of the world. The losses will come naturally with the pitching staff the Sox have and the eventual trading away of the bullpen arms. The White Sox WILL draft in the top 10 next year and possibly the top 5. In baseball it’s not about where you pick as much as how you scout and develop. Example: Mike Trout goes 25th overall, two picks after the Sox took the different CF Jared Mitchell out of LSU at 23rd overall. 

Scoring Runs is all that matters.

Once you’re not worried about Wins and Losses you find the excitement in other ways. There’s a lot of bats in the lineup, young and old, that have been performing. From the awakening of Avisail Garcia to the consistency of Jose Abreu and even the ups and downs of Tim Anderson there’s a ton of stuff to watch when the Sox are at the dish. If you happen to catch a game a Guranteed Rate this year it could be a good one with the White Sox being 9th in the MLB in run scoring at home. Matt Davidson’s at bats are almost becoming must watch tv with an AB per HR of 11.6, which could lead the MLB most seasons. Avisail is also 4th in the MLB in BA at .342 and 4th in the AL with 51 RBI likely being the Sox only All Star this year although he likely won’t receive the starting spot deserves. Avisail Garcia has the highest WAR in Chicago… bet no one thought that’d be a thing a few months ago.


With our pitching staff including guys like Holland, Pelfrey, and James Shields all of who have basically zero trade value there’s not much pressure on them. So don’t sweat it when they give up 8 runs in 3 innings. The guys that matter are Quintana, Robertson, and Kahnle. All could be moved at the deadline if they’re value is high enough. Quintana still has 6 or so starts until the deadline so lets just watch him and hope he gets his ERA into the the low 4s and maybe even high 3s. He seems to be getting his mojo back after pitching a gem vs the Twins. 

It’s the little things.

Finding joy in the little things is a great way to enjoy this season. Things like Tim Anderson getting 2 walks in a game or rookies getting their first MLB hits for the Sox (Jacob May/Adam Engel). The mini breakout seasons of Yolmer Sanchez and Leury Garcia is also great to see, they both could be well above average utility players for the rebuilding White Sox. Oh and did I mention Avi has the highest WAR in Chicago? 


The Charlotte Knights are loaded.

If you just can’t handle watching the White Sox lose more often than not try checking out some Knights games. They have a ton of close to MLB ready talent, including guys like #1 overall prospect 2B Yoan Moncada. 2015 1st round pick RHP Carson Fulmer. Adam Eaton trade assets RHP Reynaldo Lopez and RHP Lucas Giolito. 2016 1st round pick fireballer CP Zach Burdi and more. 

Yoan Moncada with a solo shot.

You don’t have to watch the whole game to enjoy the Knights, just check that box score. Keep up with the foundations of the franchise and get excited for the future. Also Carlos Rodon is making possibly his last rehab start for Charlotte on Friday the 23rd so watch for that.

Despite Dull Tournament, Fox Makes Strides in US Open Coverage

If you spent your weekend trying to bond and relate to a dad that didn’t hug you enough when you were young, you probably also wound up planted in front of the TV watching Brooks Koepka’s biceps win the U.S. Open. It was a tournament packed full of players you’ve never heard of dominating a golf course that had no business hosting a major tournament. FOX paid a ridiculous sum of money to broadcast a tournament where Rory Mcilroy, Dustin Johnson, and Jason Day didn’t make the cut, and golf’s golden pony Jordan Speith was the tied for 35th. They tried their best to sell you on Brain Harman, Tommy Fleetwood, and Hideki Matsuyama being the next big things, but all know we will never care about any of those people ever. Luckily, the good folks at FOX did a few things to make the tournament bearable.

First, they brought back my guy Joe Buck to call the action. After a tumultuous US Open debut in 2015, many fans were calling for a replacement for the broadcaster who once almost lost his voice from excessive hair plug surgeries. Now, Is he great at calling golf? Not really. But nothing draws attention to sporting events that don’t deserve it like bringing in Buck to take a beating on Twitter. Joe had maybe the highlight of the weekend: calling Brooks Koepka’s current girlfriend by his ex’s name and credentials, exposing Brooks for rebounding so hard that he brought his girlfriend of one week to undoubtedly the biggest moment of his life.

Second, they fully unleashed the Shot Tracker. It’s wonderful technology that’s existed forever, but for some reason no network has felt the need to utilize the one thing that makes golf palatable to the casual viewer. Besides your local golf pro, or that loser amateur that plays 3 times a weekend and can’t stop talking about spin rate and launch angle, no one can tell where the ball is going just based on watching the swing. The rest of us, who aren’t nerds for a dying game, are relying solely on body language and gallery reaction. If i don’t see a club twirl, or hear some jackalope yell “ATTA BOY *insert name here*”, I automatically assume the ball is headed for the nearest patch of fescue. With the Shot Tracker, we all get to say “he pushed it” or “it’s gotta turn over” 2 seconds after the ball is hit. I don’t know how many letters I have to write to those old, quasi-racist white guys at Augusta National to get the Shot Tracker allowed at The Masters, all I know is 5 is not enough.

Lastly, they were constantly doing studio updates just to show off the impossible-looking Holly Sonders. The fact that she’s legitimately good at her job takes a backseat to the fact that she looks like she was carefully constructed in a laboratory. I feel comfortable speculating that FOX did exhaustive research on when exactly golf viewers will change the channel, and scheduled a studio hit for those exact times. It worked tremendously.

So no, the US Open was not great golf. But, a tip of the cap to FOX for letting Americans celebrate our National Tournament by doing some of our favorite things: hating Joe Buck, acting like an expert, and creepily staring at beautiful women.

P.S. Thanks to Colton and the rest of the BUQB crew for letting me come aboard and contribute. This is going to be a lot of fun.

Lonzo and Foot Locker With an Hilarious Commercial

I came across this video on Twitter yesterday and I was absolutely shocked.  I thought, “there is no way that LaVar would let Lonzo do a commercial like this..”  This commercial is seriously laugh out loud funny.  The seriousness on Lonzo’s face is what makes the commercial.  This is real pain.  The other players talking about the fun they had with their father is decent acting, but Lonzo is no actor.  He is speaking from the heart.

If Lonzo makes commercials poking fun at his situation throughout his career, then he will be a fan favorite wherever he ends up.  Speaking of that, there are some reports that the Lakers have promised Kansas’ Josh Jackson that he will be the 2nd overall pick.  When I first heard that, I rejoiced.  I though, “Fuck you LaVar.  You’re stupid antics really blew up in your face.”  But then I realized that Lonzo is still a 19 year old kid who’s dad controls his life.  I’ve had friends who’s parents controlled their lives in high school and they ended up snapping.  Imagine if your dad was controlling where you were chosen in the NBA Draft…?  Literally costing you millions of dollars and giving you a bulls-eye throughout the league.  Every city you go to, you hear the fans talking shit about how much they hate you because of your dad.  Sorry Lonzo.  This commercial officially made me join Team Lonzo.  This does NOT mean I am Team Lavar.  Fuck Big Baller Brand.  All-In on Lonzo and this commercial.

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