You Had To Go With That One?

I would consider myself a pretty decent driver… I make complete stops at stop signs, always use my blinker, and I only Tweet when I’ve got a real good one cookin’ and I don’t want to forget. I’ve gotten a couple of warnings and I’ve been in one (not my fault) accident. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about the ways of the road it’s that there’s a special place in hell for people who drive the same cars used for police vehicles.

Actually, this is a circumstantial statement… If you’re given a Crown Victorian or Chevy Impala for your first car, or it’s all you could afford, I respect the grind ✊🏼 . But if you wake up in the morning, brush your teeth, eat breakfast, take a half day of work to go to a dealership with the intent of purchasing a white Ford Explorer, get the fuck out of town. What kind of psychopath are you?

What joy does one get by fooling others into thinking you can pull them over at any second? A real sick individual, I’ll tell you what! Numerous times a car that looks like a law enforcer has pulled up behind me, but it always turns out to be a woman talking on her phone, or a middle aged man in a wife beater smoking a cigarette.

There has to be a billion different kinds of cars you can pick. If you subtract the % of cars for the people who drive on the opposite side of the road and smart cars, that still leaves a shit ton of cars you can choose from. There is nothing you can gain from having that specific kind of car, except to look like a wannabe cop and strike the fear of God into civilian drivers.

It’s safe to say that nobody likes driving when there are cops around. I appreciate the hell out of their services and for protecting us, but they scare the piss out of me on the road. I could be driving under the speed limit, behind a semi, as a school bus driver, and I would still slam on my breaks if I saw a cop sitting on the side of the road. It’s wild that red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom, unless they’re flashing in your rear view mirror.

A Local Trump Supporter Tried Running Me Off The Road.

May 29th 2017. Rockford, IL. Memorial Day.

My little sister and I had just been talking about the guy. We were sharing our mutual aversion to Donald Trump when one of us brought up a guy you’ll often see driving around the city. He drives a big ol’ AMURICAN Hummer with massive dual ‘TRUMP’ flags flying from the rear. Even if you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing this thing in the wild, it’s always popping up on peoples snapchat stories and other social media.

Flash-forward an hour or two, I’m driving down East State and… Well, wouldn’t ya fucking know it. Our favorite Hummer is driving ahead of me. Amused with the coincidence, I snap my sister a video.

Trump Hummer

All was well as we took the double turn lane left onto Perryville. I was now in front of the guy, in the lane to his left. Actually, everyone was in the lane to his left. Probably because we were all capable of reading that the right lane was closed for construction.

Honestly, I can’t say I was exactly shocked when I realized the Hummer was going to try to bypass the line and cut into the left lane at the last second. Now, call it petty, but I don’t let in entitled pricks who clearly knew the lane was ending. So, I snug up to the car in front of me and leave the guy no room. Unfortunately, I didn’t consider that the entitled prick was a psychopath on top of it.

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The Hummer realized I wasn’t letting him in so he kamikazes his way into the left lane, forcing me onto the shoulder. Just to be clear, I don’t mean slowly forced me over. The fuckhead cranked his wheel left and didn’t give a single shit if he rammed into me. If I hadn’t reacted on instinct, I would have let the thin skinned overcompensating twat hit me and total the car. But I swerved left and then back into my lane behind him. He promptly slammed his breaks and forced me to stop inches of his rear end.

At this point I lay on the horn and hold my finger out of the window. (I’m sure he’s never seen that one before /s). The right lane reopens and he gets on my right side again. At this point I am blasting Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Humble’ and enjoying the idea of Kendrick shouting BE HUMBLE at a douchebag in a hummer with over sized Trump flags hanging from the back.

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This is my first look at the guy and it didn’t disappoint. I love when assholes fall in line with their common stereotypes. He looked exactly how you’d expect. White, skinhead, with tattoos. The kind of guy you’d expect to hear asking you to place your mouth on a curb.

I can’t recall if he was yelling at me. I wouldn’t have been able to hear him anyways. Just like I doubt he could hear any of the insults I was throwing his way. Although, I did piss him off enough that he tried running me off the road again.

Welcome to Trump’s America.

Former FBI director tried to use White House curtains as camouflage and the story is fantastic.

We are living in a weird House of Cards parody and it is more absurd than you might think. I want you to really stop and analyze what I’m about to say…

The director of the FBI tried to hide from the President of the United States of America via color-blending with the White House drapes.

comey

I’m not making this up. This actually happened.

In a ridiculously comical attempt to avoid having to interact with Donald Trump, [then] director of the FBI James Comey wore a blue and white suit in an attempt to blend in with the curtains of the White House. This human chameleon experiment happened at a White House event shortly after Trump’s inauguration. Director Comey, uncomfortable with the President’s attempts to ‘shmooze’ him (the man tasked with investigating Trumps ties to Russia), did not want to go to the event but felt it would be inappropriate for him not to attend. But you don’t rise to become director of the FBI without being the man with a plan.

James Comey decided a color-blending scheme was his best chance at victory. He would wear a blue and white suit to match the drapes of the oval office. This is where he would make his valiant stand; glued to the curtains on the perimeter of the room, as far away from the President as possible.

Unfortunately for Comey, he is a giant. The man is 6’8”. He was eventually spotted and singled out by the Commander in Chief, at which point James Comey had two options:

• Jump out of the White House window and make a sprint for freedom.
• Shake the President’s hand.

Sadly, he chose option number two, but not all of his planning had been in vein. Since he had positioned himself as far away from Trump as possible this meant he had to make a painfully long journey across the office to reach the President. This gave Comey a brief moment to collect himself and prepare for the encounter. He had a new plan. He would now use his tall and lanky posture to his advantage. He awkwardly avoids a dumb joke from the president and is within striking range. He uses his arm length to reach out first and establish that the encounter will be nothing more than a quick handshake.

Suddenly, TROUBLE.

His worst fears are confirmed when Trump uses his strange alpha male handshake tactic to force the director into an unwanted one-armed hug. Comey resists while trying to not cause an awkward scene. It’s bad enough that he will be seen being friendly and shaking hands with the man he is investigating. He’ll be damned if he’s going to be seen hugging that man as well!

“It was bad enough there was going to be a handshake. And Comey has long arms so Comey said he pre-emptively reached out for a handshake and grabbed the president’s hand. But Trump pulled him into an embrace and Comey didn’t reciprocate. If you look at the video, it’s one person shaking hands and another hugging.” – Benjamin Wittes recalling his conversations with former director Comey.

Comey, disgusted by the entire interaction, quickly walks away. He lives to fight another day.

So what’s better than knowing the director of the FBI tried to use urban camouflage in conjunction with the White House drapes to avoid a handshake with the President? Watching it happen in all its awkward glory. THAT’S RIGHT. THE ENTIRE THING WAS FILMED.

So take the amazing context of this situation and watch it all unfold before your eyes.

VIDEO: Comey’s awkward handshake

The specifc insight into exactly what was going through Comey’s head comes from Benjamin Wittes, friend of Comey’s who talked with PBS about their personal conversations. I highly recommend watching the entire interview although the link provided should start playing at the relevant part to this post.

VIDEO: Wittes interview on PBS

Furthermore, If you would like to see the next chapter of the Trump vs Comey saga, be sure to tune into the Senate Intelligence hearing where Comey plans to testify, under oath, about his interactions with the President. We truly are living in a strange time of poltical history. This juicy showdown hasn’t been set with an exact date yet but is expected to happen sometime shortly after memorial day weekend!

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