Smokes of The Office

The Office.

Everyone loves it.

Easily one of the top 5 comedy shows out there and rightfully so. I’m on my second run through of indulging and I have some friends that are easily on their 5th of 6th lap of rewatching this magnificent series. Trying to decipher which scenes were scripted and which were completely impromptu gives me all of the entertainment I need. Also, going back and watching the other actors try to keep a serious face is priceless. It’s just like Vegas, no matter how many times you go back, there’s always something new to look at.

There’s a lot of talent in this cast, and I’m not referring to ability to act. Well, maybe, everyone does a fantastic job and the show wouldn’t be what it is without the presence of every single one of them <3

but really, lot of beauts in this show and you’ll get a different answer from everyone you ask but try this sequence of most attractive characters on for size:

5. Erin Hannon

Sweet and genuine soul, with a pretty face – and that is all she wrote on this one… Her squeaky voice, super teethy smile, and past relations with Gabe are definite deal breakers. Not good Erin, minus 5.

4. Angela Martin

Not my most popular opinion but Angela’s got it going on, starting at like season 3. It could be my overlap of her character in New Girl but Dwight flipped a switch on this fox.

3. Jan Levinson

Jan freaking Levinson-Gould, you majestic goddess! The only reason you are not my number 1 is because of, in your exact words, your ability to be self destructive. We’d never make it.

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But on the real, she could handcuff me.

2. Karen Filippelli

Karen, you’re a babe and you’ve already conquered my heart as Ann Perkins. Give someone else a chance, please.

1. Pam Beesly

LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE IS! Seriously, if Pam falls anywhere but number one on your list you need to seek medical attention for blindness. All around wifey material and is everything I could want in a woman. You can take this as my written proposal, I’ll be waiting patiently for your answer.

If my girl purse lady Katy stayed in the show a little longer and wasn’t just a treat for Jim to snack on, I can confidently say that she’d be in my top 5 (sorry not sorry, Erin).

As for the more frequent appearances, who knows what Meredith looked like in her younger days, I wouldn’t count her out completely. Kelly, Phyllis, Holly, and Nellie… Not a chance.

You Had To Go With That One?

I would consider myself a pretty decent driver… I make complete stops at stop signs, always use my blinker, and I only Tweet when I’ve got a real good one cookin’ and I don’t want to forget. I’ve gotten a couple of warnings and I’ve been in one (not my fault) accident. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about the ways of the road it’s that there’s a special place in hell for people who drive the same cars used for police vehicles.

Actually, this is a circumstantial statement… If you’re given a Crown Victorian or Chevy Impala for your first car, or it’s all you could afford, I respect the grind ✊🏼 . But if you wake up in the morning, brush your teeth, eat breakfast, take a half day of work to go to a dealership with the intent of purchasing a white Ford Explorer, get the fuck out of town. What kind of psychopath are you?

What joy does one get by fooling others into thinking you can pull them over at any second? A real sick individual, I’ll tell you what! Numerous times a car that looks like a law enforcer has pulled up behind me, but it always turns out to be a woman talking on her phone, or a middle aged man in a wife beater smoking a cigarette.

There has to be a billion different kinds of cars you can pick. If you subtract the % of cars for the people who drive on the opposite side of the road and smart cars, that still leaves a shit ton of cars you can choose from. There is nothing you can gain from having that specific kind of car, except to look like a wannabe cop and strike the fear of God into civilian drivers.

It’s safe to say that nobody likes driving when there are cops around. I appreciate the hell out of their services and for protecting us, but they scare the piss out of me on the road. I could be driving under the speed limit, behind a semi, as a school bus driver, and I would still slam on my breaks if I saw a cop sitting on the side of the road. It’s wild that red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom, unless they’re flashing in your rear view mirror.

Please God, Not Another Cavs vs. Warriors Championship

Imagining a life without sports is damn near close to a life without…. I’m honestly not sure what life would be like without sports. Probably not very good, and I’m willing to bet on that one {Cheers to legal sports betting}.

As much as I enjoy the sweet nothings of watching athletic events, I am what one could call a “Playoff Bandwagon Fan” for certain sports. Football and golf are easy to keep track of; football is a couple nights a week / all day Sunday thing for a couple of months, and yeah I might miss the Thursday and Friday rounds of golf tournaments, but the weekends are where it starts to get wild. Hockey, baseball, and basketball; no offense, but you’re going to have to let me know when playoffs start. There are too many games going on at all different times and it’s hard to keep up, mainly because I’m rocking the no cable life and my mom changed the locks so I can’t get in to watch them at her place. I do get updates on Twitter, so I’m not entirely out of the loop.. I’m just not dedicated enough to the cause I guess.

NHL playoffs are going on and they’re pretty exciting to watch. The Blackhawks aren’t involved in any way shape or form. They’re also very far away from being a Stanley Cup contender again, but playoff hockey is too entertaining not to watch.

I can’t be the only person who is going to be more than slightly upset if it’s a Cavaliers vs Warriors finals for the FOURTH. YEAR. IN. A. ROW!

The 2015 season was cool when the Warriors were the young guns on the block, taking home championships, and snatching the most wins in a season record from the Bulls.

We all remember 2016 when the Warriors blew a 3-1 series lead which led to some of the most comical pictures you will every come across.

Lebron also brought home his first ring for Cleveland, which made it an exciting and emotional year for him.

Alright, 2017, the year the tie is broken, who’s taking 2 out of 3? Golden State won, alright move on, let some of the other teams have a turn to play. No one wants to watch the same two teams play again, and again, and again, and one more time.

I have a problem with how repetitive it’s getting, I do not have a problem with the players. I have nothing but respect for any professional athlete. I’m sore for 3 days after a pick up game with my buddies and these guys are playing nearly every night of the week. I mean there are a few players that I don’t like, but they did it to themselves.

On the Warriors, I dislike Draymond Green and Zaza Pachulia. Why? Click on their name and find out, it won’t take you very long to see that they’re both big ol’ bags of dicks. They’re dirty players, and not in a Ron Artest way. They take cheap shots to try and take players out of the game, they’re clowns. For the rest of the team who I’m familiar with, I don’t have a problem with them. Curry and Durant seem like good guys who are both incredibly talented at basketball, and you can’t blame Durant for wanting to be a championship contender, because he wasn’t getting anywhere with OKC. And I’ve always liked Nick Young and that his nickname is Swaggy P.

The Jordan/Lebron conversation is one I don’t care to have because people are going to believe what they want and no one is going to convince them otherwise. They are both incredibly talented NBA legends and just being involved in the conversation of who is the GOAT speaks volume. Just let me know when Lebron gets to golf with Larry Bird and Bill Murray, drops a hole in one, plays basketball with the Looney Tunes, dabbles in minor league baseball, ALL AS THE STAR OF ONE OF THE GREATEST MOVIES OF EVERY 90’S BOYS LIFE! That’s all I’m going to say on the topic.

Slight detour, but now we’re back. Lebron is the only player on the Cavalier’s that I don’t care for. As a person, I bet he’s fine. His kids seem to like him, I heard he’s a charitable man, and he’s rich as fuuuuuuck. But as a basketball player, he’s the biggest flopping piece of shit to walk the face of this earth. Talented athlete, but still a lil’ bitch.

I wasn’t going to be mad if we saw the Bucks, or Timberpuppies, Raptors, or maybe the Jazz advance a little farther, it’s cool seeing the underdogs make a run. All aboard the Celtics and Rockets bandwagons, let’s make things interesting. I know Golden State is an overall powerhouse, but I still don’t understand how Cleveland makes it this far every year.

A Local Trump Supporter Tried Running Me Off The Road.

May 29th 2017. Rockford, IL. Memorial Day.

My little sister and I had just been talking about the guy. We were sharing our mutual aversion to Donald Trump when one of us brought up a guy you’ll often see driving around the city. He drives a big ol’ AMURICAN Hummer with massive dual ‘TRUMP’ flags flying from the rear. Even if you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing this thing in the wild, it’s always popping up on peoples snapchat stories and other social media.

Flash-forward an hour or two, I’m driving down East State and… Well, wouldn’t ya fucking know it. Our favorite Hummer is driving ahead of me. Amused with the coincidence, I snap my sister a video.

Trump Hummer

All was well as we took the double turn lane left onto Perryville. I was now in front of the guy, in the lane to his left. Actually, everyone was in the lane to his left. Probably because we were all capable of reading that the right lane was closed for construction.

Honestly, I can’t say I was exactly shocked when I realized the Hummer was going to try to bypass the line and cut into the left lane at the last second. Now, call it petty, but I don’t let in entitled pricks who clearly knew the lane was ending. So, I snug up to the car in front of me and leave the guy no room. Unfortunately, I didn’t consider that the entitled prick was a psychopath on top of it.

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The Hummer realized I wasn’t letting him in so he kamikazes his way into the left lane, forcing me onto the shoulder. Just to be clear, I don’t mean slowly forced me over. The fuckhead cranked his wheel left and didn’t give a single shit if he rammed into me. If I hadn’t reacted on instinct, I would have let the thin skinned overcompensating twat hit me and total the car. But I swerved left and then back into my lane behind him. He promptly slammed his breaks and forced me to stop inches of his rear end.

At this point I lay on the horn and hold my finger out of the window. (I’m sure he’s never seen that one before /s). The right lane reopens and he gets on my right side again. At this point I am blasting Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Humble’ and enjoying the idea of Kendrick shouting BE HUMBLE at a douchebag in a hummer with over sized Trump flags hanging from the back.

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This is my first look at the guy and it didn’t disappoint. I love when assholes fall in line with their common stereotypes. He looked exactly how you’d expect. White, skinhead, with tattoos. The kind of guy you’d expect to hear asking you to place your mouth on a curb.

I can’t recall if he was yelling at me. I wouldn’t have been able to hear him anyways. Just like I doubt he could hear any of the insults I was throwing his way. Although, I did piss him off enough that he tried running me off the road again.

Welcome to Trump’s America.

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