Author: Colton St. Vincent

Founder, President and CEO of BackupQuarterback. I ain't good at writing good.

The Fact That I Put Money on the Ducks Hurts Me Even More After Seeing These San Jose Sharks Towels

Fire. Flame. This might be the greatest towel design I have ever seen. It hits everything that you want to see in any sort of giveaway. Something unique, check. Something nostalgic, check. Playoff relevance, check. I’m sure I am missing some other checkpoints, but you get the deal.

I put some cash down on the Ducks at +2000 before the Stanley Cup Playoffs started and holy shit do I look stupid as shit right now. Don’t worry everyone, I also got the Kings at +1900. I thought that these two teams had legitimate chances to make some noise and at those odds, I figured my bookie wanted to just give money away. But alas, fast forward to present day and my two moneymakers are a combined 0-6. Not a good look.

These Sharks towels are so fucking cool. If I am a Sharks fan and this is a t-shirt, you bet your ass I’d buy the shit out of it. It’s just a really good spin on a classic video game with perfect little subtle Shark in there. But let’s be clear, Game 4’s towel might top Game 3’s…

The Ducks are TOAST. Absolutely zero chance. Break out the goddamn broom. Great bet Colton, great bet.

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Episode 42 – These NBA Playoffs Are Awesome

Colton and Jake talk about the intense-ass NBA and NHL Playoffs. Colton’s money makers in the Stanley Cup Playoffs will probably get swept, we should have saw that coming. We also talk the shitty weather ruining baseball, Dez Bryant being a free agent and how the PGA really sucks at covering tournaments. Oh, and A Quiet Place is a BANGER of a movie. Banger.

iTunes

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/live-from-the-815/id1245921911?mt=2

SoundCloud

https://soundcloud.com/backup-quarterback/episode-42-these-nba-playoffs-are-awesome

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Bryce Harper Hit a Bomb While Sawing His Bat in Half


Bryce Harper hits a broken bat HR from sports

Golllleeeeeeeyyyy that man is strong. I’m not a scientist but I’m pretty sure that a broken bat home run is harder to hit than a completely in tact bat home run. Something behind the physics of it all, but I won’t get into it, its too boring.

Bryce Harper is a man among boys early on this season. He is earning the right to push GMs this offseason into a spot where they have no choice but to pay the man. He’s leading baseball in home runs and now leading the league in broken bat home runs. They should count that as an extra home run in the scorebook. He basically had half of a bat up there and still hit it 400 feet. I really don’t know if I could hit a ball that far with 100 swings holding an aluminium bat. Honestly, the real test would be to see how many times I make contact with 100 swings, and that is coming from a guy who batted 3rd in his 7th grade summer ball league team. I was a big deal back then.

I only remember one other guy hitting a homerun with a broken bat and that was Frank Thomas. A guy that hit the shit out of baseballs so hard that people actually called him “The Big Hurt”, so just keep that in perspective. These guys hit the baseball harder than any of us could ever imagine.

Can’t wait for several broken bat bombs landing in the Wrigley Baskets next season.

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Sister Jean Rides Her Fame Wave and Throws Gas At the Cubs’ Home Opener

Woah. Sister Jean is out here throwing GAS. It may not look like it the naked eye, but this was impressive. When you really break it down, in comparison to other nuns of her age, the fact that Sister Jean can advance a ball is proof that God exists.

Going into her age 98 season, what else could you expect from Sister Jean? When you calculate the 3 and a half feet that she threw it multiplied by the Over-90-Years-Old formula, Sister Jean just threw a 100 MPH fastball. She is the Aroldis Chapman of old ladies. The Cubs’ bullpen has gotten off to a hot start this season. But during the dog days of summer after a string of injuries, the front office better keep a tickler file on Sister Jean to come out and eat some innings. Sign her to a 10-year contract and its basically the plot to the Angels in the Outfield Reboot next summer.

Just imagine Sister Jean actually wheeling out to the mound from the bullpen. I know the internet has already said this, but if she didn’t have Jesus Walks as her entrance song then that would be the single greatest tragedy that has happened in the history of religion. Now let’s hope Jean can bring her holy mojo over to the North Siders and make another World Series run.

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The NHL Finally Does Something Right By Making Snoop Dogg the Face of the Stanley Cup Playoffs

So Snoop’s love for the game of hockey has been rising and rising the past few years. He has heavily supported his hometown LA Kings, but seems to just be a supporter of the game in general.

The NHL finally did something right and made Snoop Dogg the face of their Stanley Cup Playoffs Social Media Campaign. I can’t tell you how much I love this move. Hockey is a sport where the guys who are involved are very honest and genuine people. They will talk how they talk and may say some weird shit here or there. Former players and coaches can talk about the game in English and still sound like they are speaking a completely different language.

“Shit kicking”

“That kid’s a duster”

“You better turtle before you get your face smashed in”

“You fucking pigeon”

Every single one of those words belong in the English Dictionary, but non-hockey folk might as well be listening to Chinese. I grew up around hockey players so I only know a few terms here or there.

Snoop also sounds like he is speaking a whole different language. He is true to who he is and is brutally honest at times. If you put these two people side by side and give me the “Blind Resume” graphic, I’ll tell you they are the same person. So Snoop as a hockey guy is a no brainer.

These promos sort of seem forced, but I just love how genuine he can make anything sound.

First, congratulating the Caps.

 

Then the Preds.

The Jets got some love.

The new kids on the block weren’t forgotten either.

And finally, his hometown Kings.

This is great. One of the best Postseasons in sports with one of the best people on the planet. Everything this guy touches is must watch, from these dumb ass promos to his narration of Planet Earth. I’m a biiiiig Snoop guy. Huge.

 

Side Note: Ya boi has a little change on the Ducks, so lets see it happen…

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